I have been looking for the past Year to find something, Anything that explained with even a slight bit of detail what the Church's standards were on chastity after marriage. A few nights ago the urge to look hit me yet again and I was up until 3am the next morning as I searched. The first thing I found made me absolutely sick to my stomach. It was a blog written by women who claimed to be LDS and claimed that their blog was a place for LDS members to come and discuss intimacy after marriage. Wow was that an inaccurate description! These women were ex-LDS members. I was deeply disturbed by their conversation, not to be helped by their degradation of anyone truly LDS's more wholesome comments. I continued my search and at last I found something. I stumbled upon a blog called "LDS Marriage Bed." This blog is written by a good and wholesome LDS member whose goal is to help LDS couples to understand how sexual intimacy lines up with the Gospel. The particular article I stumbled upon was about oral sex. As I read his article I continued down to read the comments section. In the comments section the author discusses the article with one of his readers. He explains that he has done even more research on the topic of his article and provides a link to what he has found. I followed this link, and what I found was incredible. This was it, the thing I have always been looking for, the answer to all of my questions. It was an essay written by Romel W Mackelprang in March of 1992 about all things intimate after marriage. If you have not yet already done so, please click on the link "And They Shall Be One Flesh." Read it. Everyone should read it. Read it before you finish reading this post.
I couldn't believe how perfect this essay was. It emulated my frustration of how vague the Church was on this topic. Best of all though, it answered every question I could ever have. It describes how sex is for pleasure as well as for procreation. That wasn't a huge question in my mind, but I think after years and years of thinking of sex as a bad thing, the idea that I should get pleasure out of it just flat out seemed wrong. It talks about how the use of contraceptives is okay and is a personal choice to be decided between husband, wife and the Lord. This is one I had already made a decision on but I know for a fact that it is something that weighs heavily on the minds of people I know. To answer my biggest question, it better states what is okay and what isn't okay sexually in marriage. I already knew the answer. I knew that it is a personal decision and whatever you are comfortable and happy with is okay, but it never really sunk in. Part of me was determined that the Lord Must disapprove of some things. I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders as this essay at last was able solidify in my mind that I was okay and that I have done nothing wrong. Finally, and I think this is actually the most important of all the many things this essay discusses, is the topic of teaching our children about their bodies and about sex in a positive light. If I could make my children's lives easier, happier, by helping them to enter their marriages with only positive feelings towards sex, I will feel I have done such a great thing. Sex is supposed to be wonderful, incredible, and a sweet blessing from our Heavenly Father. It is sad then, that most LDS couples enter their marriages with a whole lot of negative feelings towards it due to the constant negative bombardment of their childhoods.
This essay isn't perfect. It isn't a General Authority and it isn't doctrine. But it rings true to me. I believe Mackelprang truly wishes to help LDS couples to understand that sex is okay, to help them to understand that they are doing nothing wrong, and to help them remove any unnecessary guilt that they may be feeling. He calls to the Church to provide more information and to be more positive about sex because he truly cares about all of the people who are confused and broken. I hope that in sharing it I may be able to help people too. I know it most definitely helped me.
I couldn't believe how perfect this essay was. It emulated my frustration of how vague the Church was on this topic. Best of all though, it answered every question I could ever have. It describes how sex is for pleasure as well as for procreation. That wasn't a huge question in my mind, but I think after years and years of thinking of sex as a bad thing, the idea that I should get pleasure out of it just flat out seemed wrong. It talks about how the use of contraceptives is okay and is a personal choice to be decided between husband, wife and the Lord. This is one I had already made a decision on but I know for a fact that it is something that weighs heavily on the minds of people I know. To answer my biggest question, it better states what is okay and what isn't okay sexually in marriage. I already knew the answer. I knew that it is a personal decision and whatever you are comfortable and happy with is okay, but it never really sunk in. Part of me was determined that the Lord Must disapprove of some things. I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders as this essay at last was able solidify in my mind that I was okay and that I have done nothing wrong. Finally, and I think this is actually the most important of all the many things this essay discusses, is the topic of teaching our children about their bodies and about sex in a positive light. If I could make my children's lives easier, happier, by helping them to enter their marriages with only positive feelings towards sex, I will feel I have done such a great thing. Sex is supposed to be wonderful, incredible, and a sweet blessing from our Heavenly Father. It is sad then, that most LDS couples enter their marriages with a whole lot of negative feelings towards it due to the constant negative bombardment of their childhoods.
This essay isn't perfect. It isn't a General Authority and it isn't doctrine. But it rings true to me. I believe Mackelprang truly wishes to help LDS couples to understand that sex is okay, to help them to understand that they are doing nothing wrong, and to help them remove any unnecessary guilt that they may be feeling. He calls to the Church to provide more information and to be more positive about sex because he truly cares about all of the people who are confused and broken. I hope that in sharing it I may be able to help people too. I know it most definitely helped me.