I guess the biggest question that has plagued my mind is what sexual activities are okay in the sight of the Lord. To put it frankly, mutual masturbation, oral, or even anal? How about sex toys and literature geared towards teaching you how to improving yours and your spouses sexual pleasure? Are all of these things to be considered worldly and unholy and unclean? Or are they just a personal choice? Anyway, I'm on a quest to find an answer to help put my mind at ease. I know for a fact that this is hard for a lot of LDS couples. Many struggle with the most basic question out there: is sex solely for procreation or can you enjoy it in and of itself too? This is why I had to add this section to my blog. This is huge and if I can help even one other couple to find peace of mind, it will have been so worth it.
Alright, here we go, the big taboo subject: Sex. Growing up in the LDS church I was bombarded talk after talk and lesson after lesson with the constant reminder that all things even remotely relating to sex before marriage are evil, horrendous, dirty, and sinful. Okay, we've got that pretty much down, but now I'm married. I try every single day of my life to do the right thing. I don't want the Lord to be disappointed in me or upset by my actions. So, naturally, I want to know what is okay and what isn't in the Lord's eyes when it comes to sex After marriage. What happens after the ceremony and you reach your wedding night? They were good of course. After every single talk and lesson about how horrible sex is before marriage, they were always sure to tack on that sex once married is good and wonderful and above all, sacred. Has anyone noticed though how painfully unspecific everything on this topic is? After you get married sex is no longer talked about. It's embarrassing and taboo for just about everybody.
I guess the biggest question that has plagued my mind is what sexual activities are okay in the sight of the Lord. To put it frankly, mutual masturbation, oral, or even anal? How about sex toys and literature geared towards teaching you how to improving yours and your spouses sexual pleasure? Are all of these things to be considered worldly and unholy and unclean? Or are they just a personal choice? Anyway, I'm on a quest to find an answer to help put my mind at ease. I know for a fact that this is hard for a lot of LDS couples. Many struggle with the most basic question out there: is sex solely for procreation or can you enjoy it in and of itself too? This is why I had to add this section to my blog. This is huge and if I can help even one other couple to find peace of mind, it will have been so worth it.
3 Comments
Anonymous
3/26/2013 02:13:17 pm
My wife and I are active believing members of the Church & parents of two. We both have good jobs and work hard to take care of our family and church responsiblities. My wife and I have sex about once a month--sometimes less. We are happy and love each other . . . but I would like more frequent sex and my wife does not--she would probably initiate 4 times/ year if it were up to her. We have been married for over 10 years. We used to have intimate time a couple times/week, mostly due to my persistance (and 2/3 of these interactions were quickies and handjobs). We reached an agreement a few yrs ago when I promised to stop bugging her all the time if we could have good sex monthly and I would masturbate with her present and no porn as needed. I do half the houusework, etc and am generous and able in my attention to her. I have read Laura Brotherson, Coach Sam, and much of the other stuff you have cited here. What do you think of this type of arrangement? I don't want some partisan to "tell my wife to do more" or to condemn me. But I wonder how many couples find themselves in similar conundrums and what you think. Thanks.
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3/26/2013 02:14:16 pm
Anonymous,
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I applaud you for recognizing the importance of sex in your marriage. As a wife recovering from Good Girl Syndrome, I can tell you the difference between a marriage where physical intimacy is not valued by one of the spouses and a marriage where it is valued and practiced in a healthy manner regularly, is night and day difference. Since I began to embrace my God given sexuality - my marriage had improved immensely. I am just sorry it took me over 30 years to do so. You are lucky, we did not have the good information that you have available, like Laura Brothersons's book, which is excellent, and many others - I have a list on my blog you may want to look at.
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"A behavioral health service organization that assists Church leaders and members in a manner congruent with revealed doctrine and welfare principles."
A clean and insightful LDS blog about sex in LDS marriages
Written by CoachSam His topics include: - A Commandment - Birth Control - Fantasies - Female Porn 1, 2, & 3 - Homosexuality - Masturbation - Oral Sex 1, & 2 - Pornography - Self-Esteem - Sexless Marriage - Withholding Recommended Books
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